Saturday, 16 June 2012

Piranha 3DD (2012) Review by Shivom Oza – The DDs Stand For Dumb and Depressing

1/5 Stars

After unleashing terror at Lake Victoria in ‘Pirhana 3D’, the pre-historic shoal of blood-thirsty piranhas infest into a newly-built waterpark, suggestively titled ‘The Big Wet’. Brace yourself for lots of nudity, blood and gore!

Young Maddy (Danielle Panabaker) returns home for the summer to find her sleazy stepfather Chet (David Koechner) give her mother’s water park a debauched make-over, replacing the lifeguards with strippers and building a separate adult pool where all the nude action is getting shot secretly. He’s even been illegally pumping water from an unused well that is also connected to the tragedy-struck and piranha-infested Lake Victoria. The piranhas obviously find their way into the vicinity and hence, begin the saga of relentless attacks resulting in blood and gore.

The performances of the principal star-cast are poor. The dialogues are bland and unfunny, and are made to sound all the more abominable by the spiritless cast. There is a lot of sleaze in the film. Every ten minutes, you see close-ups of heaving breasts of scantily-clad women at the water park. Even after one of the characters gets beheaded owing to a sharp metal wire, the camera refuses to move away from the jumping assets and plunging cleavages. You have a scene in which one of the girls Ashley (Meagan Tandy) handcuffs her boyfriend to the seat of a van, which then plunges headlong into a nearby lake, and you see the wretched piranhas getting in the middle of their sexual act, with the boy unable to escape because he’s tied up. In multiple sequences, you have a piranha gnashing into the private parts of several female tourists, with one such incident even causing a boy to chop off his penis because he engaged in sexual activity with one such victimized girl. Such senseless stuff is on offer folks, relish it if you can! There’s even a cameo by David Hasselhoff spoofing his ‘Baywatch’ act, caricaturizing his character from the popular TV show. He looks out of sorts. Don’t blame him, coz the film itself is a bit out of sorts! Danielle Panabaker and Matt Bush (who plays Barry) are disappointing. Considering, there was not much for either of the youngsters to do in this film, they were miserable in whatever they did. David Koechner is an eye-sore. So, you get the gist, the only animated elements in this film are the piranhas and the assets!

The 3D, backed up with dramatic background music (Elia Cmiral) did bring up a bit of hysteria in a handful number of scenes, involving the piranhas. The CGI is good, not great, and at no point does it look undercooked. The cinematography (Alexandre Lehmann) along with the editing (Martin Bernfeld and Devin C. Lussier) is a big let-down though. No qualms with nudity being shown on screen, but it should be tailored into the sequence and not thrown in for unanticipated titillation. And mind you, the scenes are not titillating, at all. The background music is good in parts, albeit for the violent sequences. The dialogues are senseless, some of the scenes defy logic and human sanity and the screenplay is bizarre!

For a directionless film such as this one, hard to say anything about the man at the helm of it all, John Gulager. He has broken new ground in mediocrity with this film. The first film ‘Piranha’, directed by Alexandre Aja yet was funny in parts, and did manage to give the audiences decent fare. However, this one the 3D version, with the added D, manages to Dumbify the franchise altogether.

The tagline of the film is ‘No BODY is Safe’. It’s short for ‘Don’t Say We Didn’t Warn You’!
Cashing in on two aspects – Sex and Violence, but manages to deliver in none! This one is not worth your time, money and energy. Even with the double Ds! (1 Star) (First Posted in MSN)

Shivom Oza

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